The next step on my planning wall is to find a job… Not just apply for a job, but actually get a job. I cannot wait to graduate, quit my current babysitting job (that I cannot stand any longer) and get out there in the real world. Last week I applied to so many jobs. Hello the real world, our economy is something else these days…So what I need to do now is ask for a job where I know I have a big chance to get one, the one I want the most, which is at my internship. My supervisor told me weeks ago to come talk to him if I decide to want to possible stay with the company. So for weeks I’ve been making excuses when he hasn’t mentioned it again…maybe he forgot, maybe something changed, I can talk to him later. No. He’s waiting for me to stand up for myself and come ask for a job so he sees I care. So no more being a chicken, I am getting over my fear of asking for what I want and I am doing it…
Later
I did it. I went into his office and asked to talk to him. I closed the door and sat down and asked him if they are hiring. I told him I thought it was a good time to talk to him since I only have three weeks left at the internship. Of course they are hiring, where have I been?! The lady who was doing what I wanted to do for the company (scheduling, interviewing, recruiting, HR, job fairs, office stuff, and bunch of more tasks to help the company grow and improve
Thursday
My interview went really well, and I got the job offer, however, I turned it down…It is not really what I expected, the salary is pretty low, I think I make as much babysitting as I would there, and my babysitting job is 20 min away from my house, while the job at Aflac is 45 miles away that takes me a little over an hour to get there. If the money was good I wouldn’t be so picky about the location, but if neither one is good, I’m not going to bother. I was actually quite disappointed when I finished the interview, there were just a lot of aspects of the job that I did not like, such as having to pay tax at the end of the year, instead of having it taken out from your paycheck right away (no, thanks, I am not getting slammed with having to pay couple thousand of dollars at the end of the year), no health insurance for the first year, low salary, and location. Plus for the amount of work they expect you to do in so many different fields of the company, the salary was just funny. I went to college for a reason…So my job search continues. What a bummer….
Fear
So that was my fear. Sometimes I am scared to ask for what I want. I think maybe someone will just give it to me if I get lucky and I want have to go ask for it. And many times when I avoid asking for what I want, I miss out. Someone else gets what I want, because I didn’t say anything soon enough and that really screws things up for myself. I think its safer to stay in the shadow, but does that really make me happy? Is the safe place, the place where I want to be? I guess the reason why asking for what I want frightens me is because I am pretty shy (stage fright). The reality is that you have to stand up for what you want and just go for it. So the way I get through my fears is by telling myself “Stop the excuses and just freaking do it!”. And a time comes when I hit that point and just get up and do it. I tell myself, if anything, I’ll die, but then I realize that I don’t die from asking for what I want, and after the fact, I realize it wasn’t that bad. I guess I need to believe in myself more and gain some confidence. My mother believes in me more than I believe in myself, and maybe I should learn from her.
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